Cleanup on Aisle Nine...

Happy New Year!


A quick one tonight from an article on housing prices from CNBC.


The impact of this is both far from being understood and yet to be felt economically. For the last 100 years the majority of wealth americans held has been in their property values. That value has been the basis for a financial system that collateralized home values to grant loans and credit. It's staggering to think that when home values fall another 5% (and they will) in 2011 that 8 million more homes will go under water. No wonder FEMA is building huge internment type camps secretly throughout the country.


The last sentence speaks for itself. And, to think, he was totally keeping it together for the better part of a paragraph...I do believe I spit out my champagne!


+25 for total spit-take
+5 for tin foil hats
-5 for talk radio parroting


Happy 2011!

It used to be so crowded...

Today's prize was spawned from an article on CNN about the accusations that Union leaders in NYC ordered personnel to purposely slow down work while clearing roads of the snow launched by the recent blizzard.


I love the posters who encourage other posters and build on their complaints. It's so cute when you find a friend...it gets so lonely in the basement.


n9deep you are not missing anything. this is how your typical liberal left beleive. They want Government to take on everything including cleaning up after them? That is why their roads are so jacked because a lot of people are moving out of New York leaving the Blue libs to fend for themesleves. Look how successful they are now..


Well, I knew something had been different around the city lately. There are fewer people! Unfortunately, the reduced traffic and congestion has been awfully damaging to the roads. But, hey, when people move out, that's just a little less snow-mess for someone to come clean.


I never knew being incoherent could be this fun!


+10 for legendary ignorance of basic facts
+5 for an encouraging word
-5 for a child left behind (a.k.a grammar and punctuation)

To the point

So I've been doing this for almost a week now, and a clear pattern is already emerging.


Some of the best comments out there can pass for brilliant satire just as easily as they could for certifiable lunacy. We'll never know the truth, and are probably better off that way. Either way it's great fun. 


This Washington Post article by Aaron Blake is about Juan Williams, the erstwhile NPR correspondent turned conservative folk hero, and his point blank criticism of the original working class hero, Sarah Palin. And the moment I saw the headline, I hoped it would draw crazies from both sides of the political spectrum.


I was not disappointed.


Juan is right. Obama has Satan whispering in his ear ... counseling him, teaching him, encouraging him, aiding him. Palin is no match for the Obama/Satan tag team.


Clever or crazy? I can't tell and I don't care.


+20 points for incomprehensible satire/demagoguery
+5 for brevity
+10 for old fashion hilarity

Tell your Children

When every smart car, pet or small child on the block is buried in snow, sometimes you need to ease your way into the day.


Fortunately, this Mark Helprin Article about the need for the US to maintain its level of military spending is what we in the business call a "softball."

It took very little browsing time through the comment section to dig out this diamond:

Only this administration wants to give free citizenship to Mexico, kiss the backside of terrorists, keep Americans poor and the government welfare roll, sell the country to China, he now wants to make sure that we can not defend ourselves!!!! I hope all of the liberals are proud of themselves. Remember to tell your children what it was like to once live in a free country folks!!!!


I'd actually love to meet this guy...I can actually picture him putting his hands over his ears repeating "I'm not listening" until I left the room. 


Seriously, buddy: what happens when your mom is out of town and can't bring your food down to you in the basement? Do you order from a restaurant owned by Chinese and staffed by Mexicans?


Get back to me.


+15 for assured clairvoyance
+25 for probable basement sponge
-5 for talk radio parroting

The South will Rise Again!

I do love a good history lesson. Unfortunately my wife has nixed my plans to upgrade our cable package and, along with it, my plans to spend next weekend watching the newest two-hour History Channel special on Soviet gulags.

Never fear, for the magic of the Internet always comes to the rescue: this is actually a great little piece on the recent deciphering of a Civil War encrypted Confederate message. However, the real history lesson comes in the comment section, where a concerned citizen drops some knowledge you may not have learned in school.

Begin taking notes...now:

To fill in some gaps for you: most Americans don't know that slavery and segregation were the sole fault of the Democratic Party. They don't know that not one single Republican ever participated in slavery. They don't remember that FDR jailed over a hundred thousand people and confiscated their property just because of their ethnicity. They don't remember that Republicans wrote every piece of civil rights legislation, from the 14th Amendment to the Civil Rights Act of 1957, 1960 & 1964 as well as the Voters Rights Act (most of which were opposed by the majority of congressional Democrats, including JFK & LBJ). They don't remember that it was Dwight D. Eisenhower who first fought to desegregate the South. They don't remember LBJ's attempt to re-enslave black Americans in the "Great Society" welfare system.
Either they don't remember or they have accepted the lies of revisionist Democratic teachers, school boards and politicians for the 150 years since

Perhaps he's looking for tenure at University of Phoenix?

+20 points for The Nutty Professor
+5 points for the foil hat theorist
-5 points for Google research

A Christmas Miracle

Well, a day late anyway.

Today's Boxing Day gem comes from an interesting article in the LA Times by Alison Bell about General Patton's prayers to stop rain during World War II.

My prayers, of course, were answered with this wonderful piece of work in the comments section:

Thank you LATIMES for this moment in HISTORY!!! My Father went


to WARII with PATTON so this story has alot of meaning to me and


I am teaching my children to know God personally just like PATTON.


I also BELIEVE that these kind of PRAYERS are POWERFUL and SCIENTIST


have proven that prayer changes the air and even the electric ions when


one PRAYS but when two or more are praying there is a GREAT CHANGE


in the SURROUNDINGS! The part where he has the prayer typed up and


passed out to his soldiers is amazing and I admire this General and will have


to buy more Books about him and his family and WWII.


Delicious! At some point, there may well exist an intellect line, below which a human being with opposable thumbs will not be able to operate a keyboard. We are officially kicking up chalk today!

+10 For Weird Science (electric ions?)
+5 For double spacing - make room for me!
-5 For CAPS SHOUTING.

Cheers!

Concepts and Priests

Since this is my first day, some explanation is necessary.

I love human behavior. All of it. It fascinates me. I go to the grocery store and spend more time observing interactions between parents and children than buying food. I go out to eat with my wife and the discussion inevitably turns what we hear and see from the people around us.

Human behavior, for various ethical and practical reasons, has been difficult to portray in mass media. But when it happens, it's memorable. For every episode of Candid Camera I watched as a kid, I imagined five more where things went wrong. Somewhere there must be a dusty old box filled with binned videos that would make a great holiday gift for me, if case you were wondering.

Reality television, to me, is the Hawthorne Effect in media form; temporary spikes in human nuttiness that depart with the cameras.

You want real, uninhibited human behavior? Then the "comments" section of any on-line news article is your huckleberry. From news to politics to sports, no subject is immune to this new cultural medium. It is anonymous and completely without consequences and thus attracts the caliber of human being that you might expect.

This should be fun.

Today's comment comes from an AP article posted on Fox News regarding Pope Benedict's statement urging Christians who face persecution to have courage.

The Pope tells Catholic parents and their children to have courage and submit to all priests se x u al demands as they are doing god's greatest work on earth for all man kind. It is a small sacrifice to give up a child's life, to save a priest from eternal torture of god's commanded celibacy. $ex with a small child is a well deserved payment for being denied a natural human relationship in god's name. There is a special place next to god in heaven for all those who submit and do not complain for all eternity.

Kudos to this chap, who left me half thinking he was engaging in clever parody and half thinking that he may actually believe what he wrote, and 100% entertained either way.

+1 point for spelling tricks to avoid getting scrubbed
+20 points for incomprehensible satire/demagoguery
-5 for pedophile priest reference (that's so 2009).

Toodles!